Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
