Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
