drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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