She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize