I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
