I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So. Much. Porn.
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