Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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