If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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