My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
