Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
