I cut my penus on the lid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
