From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
