i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've blown a few things in my day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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