I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
