I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
