I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
