Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
