yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My balls are so social today.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize