i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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