you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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