I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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