You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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