Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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