So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
