apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
