Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
