Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
