I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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