my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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