he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
