Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
