Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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