I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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