grandma shit on top of the toilet
i would punch a child for taco bell
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
