his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
