just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
