I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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