Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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