i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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