we're chasing vodka with high fives
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
