I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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