Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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