I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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