We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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