I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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