i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
