thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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