My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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