It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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