is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
