Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
