I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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