i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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