That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
