don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
