FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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