I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
two words: eviction party
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
