I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
