Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
