you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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