So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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