His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
