Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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