90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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