Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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